Catch the Foxes

The pace and priorities of married life make days like this one a bit contrived, anticlimactic, and even controversial for many couples. Both the husband and wife agree to the unspoken moratorium on fighting and do their part to make it a “good” day. But tomorrow is coming…with the normal camo-wearing butler with a remote control and a maid with a cute sticker family on the back of her nonstop minivan. The drooping flowers and credit card bill will be the only reminders of one overdone and inconsequential day on the calendar.

Solomon gave some great advice to lovers who want more than brief and unfulfilling sparks of romance. He wrote, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom”—Song of Solomon 2:15.

Solomon and his Valentine were in love but they recognized their love was not safe unless they protected “the vineyard” from the foxes that wanted to steal their best fruit in season.

How can you and your lover protect the vineyard so sweet fruit will grow?

• Identify the foxes.
What things, people, activities threaten your relationship? What patterns of life suck the energy and affection out of your marriage? The foxes are always out there. Ignoring them will not make them go away. So just step up and call them by name.

• Respect the foxes.
Sometimes we minimize the threats to our marriage. Sometimes we discount the damage a fox can create. At other times we decide to play with the cute little foxes, assuming they are harmless. Remember you cannot tame a fox. It’s a wild animal and no matter what he may look like, he wants to eat your grapes and destroy your vineyard.

• Bury the foxes.
When you have called them by name and understood their threat, do whatever you have to do to get them out of your life. If the fox is a dangerous friendship, cut it off. If the fox is a bad habit, get people around you help you find victory. If the fox is poor communication, schedule primetime for talking, planning, and praying together.

• Dance on the foxes.
The next verse reads, “My beloved is mine, and I am his, he pastures his flock among the lilies.” When you do what it takes to bury the foxes, there is much to celebrate. Love is awakened. Mutual admiration is refreshed. And intimacy is enjoyed!

When I got married, I assumed love, respect, intimacy, and joy would naturally grow. And frankly, I was a slow learner. Foxes got into the vineyard from time to time and wreaked havoc. But after some major damage, I eventually discovered I had to be proactive in protecting my marriage relationship. The foxes are real and the vineyard is always vulnerable to attack.

So begin today. Catch the foxes and enjoy the sweet fruit of your marriage relationship.

QUESTION: What common foxes have you identified in your relationship?