We used to hear a lot about “church widows”—married women who attend church without their husbands. In greater frequency than ever before, however, men are showing up on Sundays, alone. More than ever, men call my office or text my phone reaching out for help. Whether married or single, Jesus loving men face new challenges to living a faithful Christian life.
Many young men are first generation Christians who did not have godly role models. They have not seen biblical, Spirit-filled manhood lived out.
The sexualization of the culture, which objectifies women through sensuality and abject pornography, creates confusion and temptation that often undermines a man’s ability to build healthy relationships.
Recent and widespread revelations of abuse of men toward women have rightly caused men to reevaluate their views toward women, but these revelations have also caused men to lose confidence in other men they used to admire. They’re asking, “If those role models missed it, how vulnerable am I?” Suspicion and uncertainty have replace admiration and confidence.
While the wider culture works through issues related to gender identity, most Christian husbands and wives know God wired them with unique strengths and weaknesses. They know they are different, but they struggle to understand their unique roles and responsibilities in the home.
Both the man and woman are extremely capable. Two incomes, three cars, and six weeks of vacation each year offer more opportunities, but financial success does not provide greater clarity. So men (and women for that matter) aren’t always sure what they are supposed to do in the home.
What does biblical manhood look like? Men and women are each created by God and possess equal value and worth, but what indispensible value does the man bring into the relationship? What has God designed men to do that women cannot do? And what do Christian men need to live the life God created them to live?
Perhaps these five suggestions will help.
Robust theological foundations
We take in a lot of information, but the single greatest practice men can do to grow into Christlikeness is to consume significant portions of the Bible every day. Men know sports, entertainment, and politics, but if we want to become godly men, we must know the Bible.
To know God’s Word means we read it, meditate on it, pray over it, and study what great scholars have said about it. We not only need to read the Bible, but we should study what dead and living theologians say about the Bible.
The single greatest practice men can do to grow into Christlikeness is to consume significant portions of the Bible every day.
If you’re not a prolific reader, social media channels, podcasting, and audio books offer amazing content that is both rich and accessible.
A friend of mine is a mail carrier for the U.S. Postal Service. When he became a believer in the early 90’s, he listened to Moody Radio for six hours every day as he delivered mail. The daily intake of Bible teaching for the next 20 years changed his life, discipled him in the faith, and helped to build theological foundations for effective local church and community ministry.
Jesus-saturated friendships
Moses had Aaron and Hur (and a father-in-law named Jethro). David had Jonathan. Belteshazzar, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azaria (aka Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) had each other. Jesus gathered the twelve apostles into the first small group. Paul had Barnabas and then Timothy.
Every man needs other men in order to become who God created us to become. But we don’t just need guys to play golf with. We need guys who passionately and unashamedly love Jesus and live their lives yielded to him.
Too many guys gravitate to other men who share every common interest, except for an interest in Jesus. As a result, they find themselves relationally connected to men, many of whom are churchmen, who give Jesus a nod, but give their lives to a career or a hobby.
Build relationships with people who are less than excited about Jesus; but if we are going to successfully follow Jesus, we must pursue Jesus-saturated friendships with men who also walk with Jesus.
If we are going to successfully follow Jesus, we must pursue Jesus-saturated friendships with men who also walk with Jesus.
These men will be the men we turn to for advice and accountability. They will be the ones who walk with us through the fires of failures, who pray over us as we lay in the hospital, and the ones who speak the truth in love when we are tempted to bail out on our responsibilities.
Practical wisdom
I always feel behind the times, but I really do love the conveniences that technology offers. But more screen time means less time for riding bikes, board games, and knot tying. We’ve reared a generation that has never changed the oil in the car and will upgrade a phone rather than repair it.
We possess amazing high-tech skills, but less than spectacular low-tech ones.
It’s the low-tech skills like building relationships, pursuing reconciliation, forgiving fast, managing time and money, loving difficult people, showing kindness to strangers, asking good questions, putting others first, disagreeing without being a jerk, persevering under trial, leading with character, and valuing lessons learned in obscurity, however, that will serve men best.
The absence of these skills produce educated, gifted, and well-dressed men who are hollowed out on the inside. They appear to be capable, but are not. They interview well, but can’t execute. They commit, but don’t deliver.
I know, because I’ve been one of these men. Perhaps, every man has. But by God’s grace, we don’t have to remain hollowed out.
We can learn to love others well. In Christ, he forms not only our character, but grows our capacity to lead by serving. God did that for all the greats like Abraham, Moses, David, and so many others. And he will do that in us as well if we will cooperate with him, humble ourselves, and grow in practical wisdom of a servant-leader.
Holy women
We don’t have a “man problem.” It’s seems we have a holiness problem that is not isolated to one gender.
The abuse of women at the hands of men is tragic and far too common. Recent movements to call men to account are long overdue. Men failed to live up to our calling in ways that are too many to count, and the modern evangelical church owes much to godly women who have served Jesus and his bride in the face of tremendous pressure and carnal sexism fueled by demonic misogynists attitudes.
Christian men must continue to repent and lead out in efforts of reconciliation and restoration.
Holiness, however, is not only a call to men, but to both men and women. Corruption knows no gender bias.
For men, particularly husbands, to be who God called us to be, we need the help of women. God formed this complimentary relationship in the Garden of Eden. It wasn’t good for man to be alone, so God fashioned Eve from Adam’s side. And he created them to complete one another.
Traditional, extra-biblical orthodoxy has perverted this creative order. And debate rages on regarding all the particular implications of God’s creative design of man and woman, but one thing seems apparent: women possess both inherent value and responsibility. When Adam and Eve sinned against God, God held them both responsible and punished them accordingly.
So what responsibility do women have to men? To walk with God. The best thing a woman can do to help a man be who God created him to be is to walk faithfully with God.
The women of Christian history that we admire the most were women of humility, holiness, and godly grit. They were not entitled. Instead, they worked hard in the field God gave them. They faced injustice with truth on their tongue, tenacity in their feet, and tenderness to the Spirit of God deep within their soul. Whether in the home, church, marketplace, mission field, or in the public square, these women did whatever it took to display the worthiness of Jesus.
The best thing a woman can do to help a man be who God created him to be is to walk faithfully with God.
Men and women alike seek to emulate them not because of their gender, but because they walked with Jesus and looked like Jesus.
Likewise, in our own era, women who walk with God join God’s sanctifying work to produce in men a character of godliness that also makes much of Jesus.
Kingdom calling
We make much of career choices because work is honorable. God created us to work, to produce, and to tend to his creation. Many Christian men, however, find themselves ten years into a career, paying a mortgage, and funding a lifestyle that seems disconnected from the mission of God.
Whether they are successfully upward mobile or struggling to keep the bills paid, many men feel they are riding a Merry-Go-Round, going nowhere at a dizzying speed. This is often the reason we see grown men with money in their pockets and a beautiful wife and family at home exhibit foolish, sinful, or destructive behavior. They have yet to grasp how their everyday life matters beyond today.
So every Christian man needs to embrace a kingdom calling. Jesus is our King, and he has invited us to join his work to usher in an eternal kingdom. So the work we do, the orders we fill, the service we render, and the products we produce add value to other people and reveal a glimps of the redeeming work of Jesus.
That means the workplace is also a mission field where we make Jesus known by how we do our job, how we serve other people, how we leverage our personal influence, and how we build relationships. Whether mundane or spectacular, our jobs not only provide for our families, which fulfills God’s design, but they are also the platform from which we announce the coming of our King.
Christian men are humans clothed with the dignity of an image bearer of God, redeemed by Jesus, and called to be ministers of reconciliation. So then let Christian men arise to our calling. Let us lift up holy hands without anger or argument. And let this generation of Christian men declare the praises of God to the next.
