So far in this Hoping Married series, I have encourage you to:

Approach marriage with wisdom.
Approach marriage purposefully rather than recreationally.
Approach marriage steadily rather than speedily.

In this fourth of five posts, let me say: approach marriage in community rather than in isolation.

As attracted Jacob was to Rachel, his feelings for her first came up in a conversation with her father Laban, not in a conversation with Rachel.  Again, Jacob’s experience is not a legalist prescription for us, but “a wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel”—Proverbs 1:5.

Notice Proverbs 15:22, “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.”

Before you begin a dating relationship, before the first date or mention of a date, it would be wise to seek godly counsel from several trusted people about the person you think God is leading you to date.  And then ask them to speak into your own preparedness for marriage.  Ask questions and be prepared for the answers.  Allow others into your life and into your dating decisions.  And if a high-definition relationship begins and leads toward marriage, then you and your significant other should be faithful in a community of friends, ministry partners, and family.

On the other hand, if your method of finding a person to date does not involve your family, church family, and godly friends, you are setting yourself up for dangerous isolation.  If you and your new friend are often alone together, you’re setting yourself up for dangerous isolation.  If you have your friends and she has her friends, you’re setting yourself up for dangerous isolation

By the way, online dating services often promote this kind of isolation.  Although I’m not opposed to credible dating resources, this is one of the obstacles that must be addressed when you find someone to possibly date at the privacy of your computer.

But in any relationship, wisdom says you intentionally invite other people into your relationship before it ever begins and then you stay connected to friends and family throughout the entire relationship.

“Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed”—Proverbs 15:22.  If you’re going to invite people to the wedding, try inviting a few of them into your dating relationship first.