In college I had a roommate from India.  He was a Christian and at that time his parents lived in Nigeria. Saju was a very accomplished, very bright, and very western kind of guy, but he still very much expected to have an arranged marriage.  Although he would have some input, the burden would rest with his parents to lead in that decision at the appropriate time.  I remember this profound explanation from Saju, “We don’t marry the woman we love; we love the woman we marry.”

I am not recommending arranged marriages, but what I am suggesting is that our American culture is terribly misguided in issues of dating, romance, and marriage.

But the Bible doesn’t talk a lot about dating or how to find a mate.  However, it does talk a lot about how we are to behave, how we are to relate to others, and how we are to make decisions.  It does talk about the purpose for marriage and the sanctity of marriage.  And it does deal quite extensively with issue of sexual purity.

So if you’re single and hoping married, consider four simple principles for high-definition dating.  Here’s the first one:

Hope married with wisdom.

“A wise man will hear and increase in learning…”  Solomon challenged his son in Proverbs 2 to listen to wisdom, to incline his heart to understanding, and to search for wisdom like he would search for hidden treasures.  When it comes to building great relationships, wisdom is not optional.

Wisdom asks some very important questions before a relationship begins.  Joshua Harris in Boy Meets Girl provides some great questions every single should ask before even beginning a relationship:

  • Am I ready for marriage?
  • Am I prepared to lead my wife spiritually and to serve her?
  • Do I have a proven character?
  • Am I growing in godliness and Christlikeness?
  • To whom am I accountable?
  • How am I involved in the church?  What are my gifts and ministry?
  • Are my motives for pursuing marriage selfish and worldly, or are they to honor God?
  • Can I provide financially?
  • What do my pastors and parents have to say?

Wisdom says that you do not initiate a relationship until there are some very basic things nailed down.  Wisdom says that you do not base your decisions simply upon emotions, feelings, or attraction.  Instead you pray.  You listen.  You watch.  You evaluate.  You seek counsel.  You do all of that first.  Otherwise you get into a relationship and become so emotionally invested that it becomes difficult to stop the train before it runs off the track and crashes into the depot.

When wisdom informs your relationships you are more likely to make the right choices at the right time for the right reasons and with the right person.

What other questions help you exercise wisdom before beginning a relationship? Comment below.