Our kids are connected. Samantha Murphy reported earlier this year that teenagers send or receive 60 text messages every day. That’s 1800 every month! Texting is relatively new, but social networking isn’t. We are social creatures and have always found ways to connect.
Carrier pigeons, smoke signals, the Pony Express, Morse Code, telegrams, telephones, instant messaging, email, and now Facebook and Twitter all prove our desperation to bridge the distance between us.
But here’s the reality: the nature of our relationships greatly influences our destiny. Our friendships are a very good predictor of our future.
So God told the sons of Israel, “You shall not associate with them (foreign women), neither shall they associate with you, for they will surely turn your heart away after their gods”—1 Kings 11:2.
Yet wise guy Solomon “loved many women along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidionian, and Hittite women” (I Kings 11:1) and he “clung to these in love”(verse 2).
Even the wisest, wealthiest, and most influential king the world had ever known ignored the truth, “bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). And he attached himself to godless people who destroyed him. If Solomon couldn’t handle bad company, our kids probably won’t have much success either.
So how can dads help our kids make healthy connections that build their faith?
Dive in with Jesus people.
Our kids will learn to build friendships by watching us. The believers in the early church were committed to each other, but too often modern men build their deepest friendships around work or hobbies rather than around Jesus. Dive deep into the relationships that passionately exalt Jesus.
Make family friendly.
Our kids should love their mom and dad, and for the most part, love their brothers and sisters. Home should be a place our kids like. When dads invest energy and creativity into our own families, our kids tend to want to hang out with us. Our kids should find their first friends right at home.
Clear a path.
Without direction our kids will find themselves in destructive relationships. So dads clear a path by leading our kids to be involved with Jesus-loving, Kingdom-minded people. We pray for godly friends for our kids and we encourage them to build relationships with people who share their heart for Jesus.
Build guardrails.
Some relationships are not healthy. The apostle Paul warned against being “unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Although Solomon didn’t get that, a lot of us understand there are some places and people our kids just need to avoid.
But then there are some relationships that deserve attention without an alliance. In other words, not every friendship should be deepened. We don’t “yoke up” with every nice person that comes along.
Because kids can get attached to people very quickly, dads (and moms) provide proactive guidance for kids. This may sound nuts, but parents determine who has access to our kids. We guard the hearts of our kids until they are able to do it for themselves. That means we are involved in their friendships, and we protect them from people who will steal their affections and turn them away from the one, true God.
Launch out.
Don’t think I’m suggesting some kind of cultic isolation. The joy of a dad is to see our kids develop healthy, Gospel-driven relationships. So the goal is not disengagement from the culture, but just the opposite. We want to develop kids who can engage all kinds of people from a position of strength. Which means we model that, teach character, and then launch our kids out to make disciples of Jesus Christ among every people.
Unfortunately, many of our kids never launch out because early on they were swallowed up. Before they were rooted in their faith, they attached themselves to godless people, or they built deep friendships with the wrong group, or they “yoked-up” with a pretty girl with a dime-store heart.
The friendships our kids develop will determine the choices they make and the people they become. So how we teach our kids to connect with others now determines how they impact the Kingdom later.
How have you helped your kids build healthy friendships? Click the “Comment” button below to weigh in.
