Legend has it that the first Valentine’s card was given by St. Valentine. He was in jail for defending Christians from the Roman Emperor Claudius II sometime around 270 A.D. Before his execution he left a note for the jailor’s daughter and signed it, “From Your Valentine.” The facts may not be undisputed, but we have certainly come a long way in the last 1700 years.
According to reports, approximately 150 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged every year. That’s second only to Christmas cards. And if you are a married man, it is extremely likely you need to be among that 150 million people this Valentine’s Day.
For some men, this is a perfectly easy way to express love and affection. For other men (apparently, many men), the art of card giving has never been mastered. So here are a few simple do’s and don’t for this annual romance rite:
Do: Purchase a Valentine’s Day card.
Don’t: Make a handcrafted card unless you’re a professional artist or you’re under 12 years old.
Do: Bite the bullet and purchase the overpriced card from a store.
Don’t: Deduct the $6.99 expense from the total amount budgeted for gifts and flowers, and then use it as an occasion to rail against the commercialization of Valentine’s Day.
Do: Get the card as early as possible.
Don’t: Wait until after lunch on February 14. At that point, a crowd of men will be competing for the only three cards left on the rack which all happen to feature wiener dogs.
Do: Personalize the card by writing a short note inside.
Don’t: Plagiarize Shakespeare or Nicholas Sparks, use words you have to look up in a dictionary, or write an apology for telling her she was acting like her mother during your last argument.
Do: Include a meaningful Bible verse inside the card.
Don’t: Use a verse from Song of Solomon as an opportunity to spiritualize descriptive references to your favorite parts of your wife’s anatomy.
Do: Sign the card.
Don’t: Include your last name in the signature.
Do: Read and review the card before sealing it in the envelope.
Don’t: Forget what it says or what you wrote. Your wife is smart enough to test you later without you knowing what even hit you.
Do: Give your wife the card along with a flower and/or gift.
Don’t: Include a gift card inside the Valentine’s Day card.
Do: Watch with interest while your wife opens and reads the card.
Don’t: Constantly shift your focus between Sports Center and your wife while she reads the card.
Do: Offer a gentle kiss and kind word to your Valentine after she reads the card.
Don’t: Expect her to rip your clothes off of you.
Do: Remember to give your wife a card, on time, no matter what.
Don’t: Forget and then blame your hard work schedule, your devotion to daddy duties, the arbitrariness of February 14, or the fact that you were doing chores your wife asked you to do—essentially blaming her for your delinquency.
It’s not always easy to tell our wives how we feel. We don’t always know the words. The timing is never just right. Well here’s your chance. A Valentine’s Day card is a softball. It’s an easy way to communicate love to the one you love. Yes, it’s expected; but it’s also appreciated. So grab a $10 bill, drive to the store, and pick up something nice for your Valentine.
