So far in this Hoping Married series I’ve encouraged you to…

Approach marriage with wisdom,
Approach marriage purposefully rather than recreationally,
Approach marriage steadily rather than speedily,
Approach marriage in community rather than in isolation.

Now let’s close this series with this:
Approach marriage sacrificially rather than selfishly.

Whatever Jacob was, he was a servant.

The apostle Paul told the Philippians, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others”–Philippians 2:3.

Certainly, attraction is an important factor in a healthy relationship.  But people are often motivated by selfish interests when they think about beginning a dating relationship.  They want companionship.  They need security.  They want.   They need.  They want.  They need.

While all of us have legitimate needs and desires, biblical relationships don’t begin with a “what’s in it for me” mentality.  And they don’t begin with a laundry list of unrealistic “non-negotiables” including financial status, body type, and so on.

The person you are thinking about dating is a person, created by God, and is already precious in God’s sight.  She is your sister in Christ.  He is your brother in Christ.  That person is valuable because God has said so, not because she has the ability to fulfill your every fantasy.

How do you want to be treated?  That’s the way you treat someone else.  It’s interesting that we rarely think about applying the Golden Rule to dating relationships.  We think of it in many other relationships, but it seems more difficult to apply to dating.

So here are a few Golden Rule questions for you to consider as you approach a dating relationship:

  • How do I currently serve others even in menial ways?
  • Do I view the needs of others as a liability or as an opportunity to serve?
  • Am I looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect?
  • Are you asking, “How can I serve?” or “How can she serve me?”

I talked with a lady just yesterday who has battled cancer for quite some time.  When I mentioned her husband, the tone of her voice completely changed.  Through the telephone line I could see her face brighten with absolute adoration and gratitude.  You see, her husband loves her and for the last 52 years he has proven his love through faithful service.  And now during desperate times, just the sound of his name brings her great delight.

Selfishness is sin, and it is the root of every divorce and dysfunctional marriage.  On the other hand, the patterns of sacrificial service you build now will help you go the distance with joy.