Earlier in this Hoping Married series, I said:
Approach marriage with wisdom.
Approach marriage purposefully rather than recreationally.
Now, let me encourage you to approach marriage steadily rather than speedily.
You know the scenario:
Guy and girl go out. They both reveal a romantic attraction toward one another. So during their first conversation they open their hearts and share a lot of stuff. They become vulnerable with their feelings. They confess difficulties in past relationships. They shut down the restaurant and move to Waffle House until 2.
When they do go home, they both feel so good about their 7-hour date. But now their relationship is picking up speed and will soon be breaking the sound barrier in record time. Feelings take over. Emotional and maybe physical intimacy goes too far. And then one of them sees, hears, or learns something about the other that engages the brakes and the relationship begins to skid. And when you slam on the brakes at that speed, the relationship spins out of control, debris goes everywhere, and people (even bystanders) get hurt.
That’s no way to treat a sister or brother in Christ.
In the dating relationship speed can causes big damage. The Bible tells us in Genesis 29:20, “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” I’m not suggesting a 7-year courtship (that’s not always healthy either), but because Jacob loved Rachel, waiting for her was no sacrifice.
Wow! Normally, we say we can’t wait because we are so in love. But for Jacob, he was so in love that he waited.
Healthy relationships take time to develop. In today’s information age, we think the faster the better. But that’s just not so when it comes to relationships. Too much information too soon can be devastating.
Solomon wrote,
“A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out”-Proverbs 20:5.
There is an art to building a relationship and drawing out information in the right way at the right time. Learn the art of a relationship. Be a man or woman of understanding. Be quick to listen. And open the layers of your own heart one at a time.
That means you slow down. You serve your church together. You spend time with friends. You avoid sharing the deep waters of your heart too soon. You enjoy each other’s company. Laugh together. And go home early, saving more until next time.
A steady pace not only gives you a chance to learn more about this other person, it also gives God the opportunity to show you more about Himself and what He is doing in your life.
How have you seen the benefits of slowing down? Can you go too slowly? Comment below.
