There’s a big difference between being friendly and being a friend.  John wrote, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another”—1 John 4:11.

Steve Wingfield wrote, “Our love for God fuels our love for others.  Our passion for God is authenticated in our everyday friendships.”

Learning from Barnabas, Paul, John Mark, and Timothy here are four things every friend needs to know:

I like you.

Some people are tough to like.  But some people have no friends because they never find anyone good enough.

Barnabas was quick to like folks no one else wanted to take a chance on.  He valued Paul and John Mark before they could do anything for him.  That’s exactly what Jesus did for us.

Barnabas spent time with these men.  Someone has said that distance makes the heart grow fonder.  But in fact, distance makes the heart grow suspicious.  If we are going to like each other, we have to spend time together.  Jesus was a friend to sinners.  Did he like their habits and lifestyle?  I don’t think so.  But they liked each other because they spent time together.

And then remember Barnabas’ name means “son of encouragement.”  Solomon said, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones”—Proverbs 17:22.  Have you noticed we are closest to the people we laugh with the most?  That’s because laughter is good medicine.

I believe in you.

Barnabas didn’t just accept Paul and John Mark for who they were, but believed in who they would become.

A friend says, “I accept you just as you are, but I know the best is yet to come.  I see past your past and beyond what currently exists.  And I see what is possible.  My opinion of you is not held hostage to your shortcomings.”

Friends never allow the truth about us to erode the grace they show us.

I forgive you.

We don’t know everything that happened between Barnabas, Paul and John Mark, but we know their friendship included a level of disappointment that was no small thing.  While living for the Gospel, their relationship ran amuck.

Forgiveness is tough and it’s often a process, but here are a few reminders that can help:

(1) Forgiveness does not mean you don’t feel pain.

(2) Forgiveness does not require pointing out the offender’s faults.

(3) Forgiveness does not require teaching the offender a lesson.

(4) Forgiveness does not require you to compromise your core beliefs.

(5) Forgiveness does not let the offender “off the hook.”

So with the Cross in clear sight, forgiveness says, “By God’s grace I will absorb the consequences of your actions.”  What God has done for us in Christ Jesus paves the way for us to be a friend who forgives.

I need you.

As Paul approached his final days while in a Roman prison, he made several requests of his friend Timothy.  First he asked, “make every effort to come to me soon” (2 Timothy 4:9).  And then he said, bring Mark (John Mark) with you, “for he is useful to me for service” (2 Timothy 4:11).

After the ups and downs of life, Paul knew there were only a few things that he really needed.  He didn’t need his 401K, his home at the beach, or even a great reputation.  But he did need his friend John Mark.

The Close

I like rocking chairs.  They fit just right on a big porch and they slow me down to just the right speed.  Jesus would often recline with His disciples.  But we never read in Scripture where Jesus reclined alone.  He slowed down and built a relationship with these disciples that would last forever.  And in John 15 He called them “friends.”

Jesus has redeemed us out of sin and into a forever friendship with Holy God.  And now we express the Gospel like He did…by being a friend to sinners.

So who’s rocking with you?  Who’s hearing from you:  “I like you, I believe in you, I forgive you, I need you”?